Writing Assignment 5

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN2423750920080124

Upon arrival of the mail, Michal Szybalski immediately reported his findings to local authorities and mathematical think tanks.

“It just truly amazed me. The snails have seemingly surpassed the complexity and limits of our man made information and parcel transportation system. Had I known of this earlier I would have requested a delivery by these mollusks well in advance,” Szybalski sarcastically remarked in a newly released press report.

As a response to the massive influx of criticism, Szybalski’s regular mail service, Schnelle Aktion (Fast Action, German) promptly refunded Szybalski’s shipping costs. Yet this gracious gesture was clearly not enough to appease Schnelle Aktion’s customers. In just this past week, nearly 23% of their clientele have either dropped their services or have switch to other mail providers.

“I always assumed all mail took 2-3 weeks for delivery. Oy vey, what a fercockteh old mashugga, I’ve become. Would have never realized [the slow mail] had everyone not made such a big kvetch over it,” stated local father of 4, Moysheh Spenskilevski. “We need more mentshes like that good boy Michal out there, doing mitzvahs for the people. Not chazter shmucks holding off my mail until shoyn fargessen (I already forgot it).

Remarkably, the event has ballooned to the attention of the Polish government who declared last night that they may push for new sanctions on Germany for allowing Schnelle Aktion’s largest branch out of its home country to provide such low quality service.

Finally, in a response to public outcry, Polish Prime Minister, Jaroslaw Kaczynski plans to address his nation in the following week about the mail crisis and German trade relations.